To be honest….or not! Women don’t speak on it much or they just lie about it, I mean it’s not like he will notice right? There is a huge percentage of women who have never experienced an orgasm. There are lots of studies out there regarding this matter one in which I found that 68 percent of women admitted to faking an orgasm with their partner at some point, compared to just 27 percent of men. Unfortunately so, women get embarrassed to speak on the matter for numerous reasons. Insecurities, bad experiences, sexual related trauma or just simply not knowing her g-spot. It still surprises me how many women believe orgasms should just happen, more or less without effort, just through clitoral stimulation. There was a time in my life when I thought the same thing. Had no idea there was such a thing after just the arousal participation. Shrug.

Most of the time we have a hard time turning off the brain and turning on “the power of the P”. Thoughts can be very distracting, in terms like self monitoring. Ever had a moment where your mind just wasn’t there, you’re thinking about the next bill, the laundry or what to eat for dinner? You self consciously think is my body sexy? ” What if I’m not wet enough?” “Am I suppose to moan or talk dirty?” We get in our own way of the full experience because we just can’t shut the brain off. I don’t know about you ladies but I have once fallen victim to just focusing on pleasing my partner not getting the pleasure in return. Sometimes that’s okay…(I just laughed so hard) scratch that all lies!!! It’s not okay, girl get yours too why can’t you also enjoy the bliss of satisfaction with the person you love? Women deal with a lot of insecurities, we tend to get self centered about our bodies. Becoming that vulnerable with your partner can put on this pressure that men would just never understand. Speaking about our bodies, us average everyday women tend to get compared to instagram bodies all the time. Our bodies go through so many hormone changes like when our cycle is near we get emotional or irritated. Also think about childbirth, different types of discharge, keeping up with your PH balance, side effects of birth control these are the kind of things that really affect our bodies and can throw it off balance. Too embarrassed or unsure of ourselves, we avoid letting our male partners know he has failed us to orgasm. I just feel like they will agree to understand but really we know it’s too much for them to grasp.

Many women want to feel deeply connected during sex (who doesn’t?!) but we tend to focus too much on technique — when are we able to just release? How do you surrender and orgasm?  

Intimacy and having an emotional connection with your partner has a part in the pleasure of feeling orgasms. Without some sort of connection it’s like having sex with some strange guy and you are left feeling used, vulnerable and taken for granted. Of course physical attraction is a must, understanding one another and having an honest friendship. Have an open conversations about if a certain position hurts or “the one” to get you there. I say it’s in how you say it rather than not say it at all. I can admit to not saying anything before, unfortunately it never changed because there was no conversation with my partner. Sex starts to feel like routine and as women without arousal and stimulation we will begin to feel stuck. 

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced down to a pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way or being perceived as a gifted lover, it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment. It’s so many other things I want to discuss on this topic… but my time is cut short and we will return on this topic at a later time. 

Laugh, Live, and Love on each other… don’t forget to have an orgasm too!