Simply Happy

Most individuals are still on the search to finding happiness. I find that the simple things in life make me happy. We all want to be happy and each one of us have different ways of finding it. Any way of escaping the world around you and focusing on what makes you smile, I’m all for it! This can be a list of things. From listening to nature sounds in a dark room or being around people who love you and enjoying the laughter. Here are a few ways I find my happiness in this little big world.

1. Prayer/Meditation

2. Listening to music

3. Being around my two boys

4. Playing in makeup

5. Take walks on the beach

6. Reading/writing

7. Helping others

8. Making people laugh

9. Date night with my husband

10. Just being free to be myself around those I love

The thing about it is, it took me awhile to know what made me happy. Like others I searched high and low, in places and things but it never really made me happy. If I was happy it had only been temporary. I learned that if you aren’t happy with yourself, you will not think you deserve affection and attention. You can find something to be happy about everyday, having a drink with a friend, eating your favorite piece of chocolate or listening to your favorite song on repeat. Start appreciating what you have because there are people who or less fortunate and struggling to be happy in this big little world.

Be aware of your emotional and physical triggers. My reaction to things that bothered me had certain triggers that kept me in a place I no longer want to ever be in. I started focusing on the resolution rather than the problem. Over thinking things caused me to be unhappy and worry about things I had no control over. I can honestly say prayer and meditation helped me so much in that area. Less worry and more praying; trust me it works. I learned to let God handle my battles and for that I became more happy. If only you knew worrying causes other problems especially with your health. We all know that will just be another bill to add to the list and no one needs more bills!

I took on writing at a young age and over the years I realized how it has helped me express myself more. Sometimes sharing my feelings to friends or family scared me. I feared being judged or criticized. On top of being shy (not that sh anymore thou) I at times felt like I had no voice, so writing became my happy place. Writing was a way to express my true self in a way that brought joy to my heart. I always recommend writing to those who have a hard time sharing to others how they feel.

Walking on the beach is one of my top favorite happy places. I mean why not! The waves are so calming and view is beautiful. I know a few others who go to the beach to meditate. It’s a place of freedom a reminder that there is so much more to be thankful for. How God created this gift to the world was so brilliant. Helping others make me happy I mean I can’t do much but every little thing counts and if I can put a smile on someone face, I am truly happy. When I see someone down or not like themselves I tend to make jokes ( I’m a goofy person all the time) get them to laugh if even for a second.

The world deserves to see you happy. Choose happiness any way possible. To be happy is to choose YOU. Start with the simple things only you know what makes your heart truly happy. It is your time, time to move forward, time to let go, time to forgive, time to just be free and simply happy.

Write down a a list of things that make you happy and try to focus on those things more.

Let me hear your feed back let me know the things that help make you happy! Have a blessed and prosperous day.

-BeautySlayHer

11:11

Do you seen 11:11 like all the time? So I’ve read, 11:11 is a message from divine angel beings that you need to monitor your thoughts with greater attention, and make sure you are focusing on the things that you want, and not the things that you don’t want. All the things that exist in your life are the result of your thoughts and feelings. Whether you think about the past, present, or future, you are using your energy to create a vibration within you that attracts things with the same vibration to you. The overall meaning of 1111 is that you can start manifesting your True Self –  your soul’s desires.

I decided to make 11:11 a game for my followers and at the same time share a little more about myself. There will be 10 truths and 1 lie so lets see who can figure it out.

1) I’m a Virgo- virgo women might come across shy but she is very strong and stable in the inside. Gentle, caring and kind she is always there helping others before helping herself. The Virgo female have a good understanding of human nature and can effectively help people solve there problems. She makes everyone around her comfortable. Communication skills are beyond extraordinary, she is soulful and spiritual.

Strengths- Loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical, attentive, committed

Weakness- Shyness, worry, over critical of self and others, all work and no play

Likes- animals, healthy food, books, nature, cleanliness

Dislikes- rudeness, asking for help all the time, taking center stage

2) Mother of two boys- My first born arrived when I was 17 years old. Prematurely coming into the world at 6 in a half months and me not completely done with high school just yet, I was determined to be this awesome mother by any means necessary. Trying to balance school work and rocking my sunshine to sleep at night it was very challenging. I figured I had no other choice he was my responsibility so I had to grow up pretty fast and be what he needed.

My second little angel came in my life 10 years after. Now married and living a comfortable life with my mini family we were ready for the new addition to the family and came along this burst of energy. Not only was he measuring super big, he brought joy and happiness to this family without even reaching here yet. My old was excited to have a little brother, and now they are inseparable.

3) Favorite season is Spring- The greenery, the flowers and lets not forget the sunshine! I have no idea why spring is my favorite, it could be because I live in south Florida and well it’s always hot here. Shrug. The sunshine is the best, born and raised in the south I prefer sun over cold any day. Spring rewards us with beautiful flowers, and trees that seem to blossom with bright green leaves. Spring cleaning is a true statement in my house I get rid of old things, reorganize and clean from top to bottom in my house. Although I love winter as well spring just brings out the flip flops and sundresses.

4) Love shopping- Who doesn’t want to look, feel, smell beautiful all the time. Shopping to me is very therapeutic whether I’m just browsing for sales or the latest purse I love it! It makes me happy the different style of clothing from cute & classy to preppy & vintage. As a female I go out and in my mind I constantly see things I either want or need. New things make me feel different yet still the same.

5) Never been on a plane- Never have I ever been on a plane. The fear of heights scare me! Yet I would get on a roller coaster with no hesitation. I’ve only traveled by car and boat but not in the air oh naw. I mean eventually I will get there, I have places I want to travel like Jamaica, Turks and Caicos, and Paris. Maybe it’s the crowd or the horror stories from movies but I will conquer this fear very soon. Trips are in the future.

6) 9:11- So what would you say if I told you 9:11 happened in a dream just days before it really happened? While currently in the 9th grade at the time, I had this very intense dream of two planes hitting my high school with the same consistency as the actually 9:11 incident. Sleep paralysis is so real, I was awake yet everything in the moment also felt so real. I freaked out because the planes were coming for me while in school i just remember calling out for my dad and uttering the words “I love you”. I will never forget that moment.

7) Sociable Introvert- I find people intriguing and exhausting at the same time. My alone time means a lot to me, from mediating to the couch potato flipping thru shows. Small talk is annoying, if we are going to engage in conversation lets talk deeper situations and not just the weather. I’m not antisocial-I prefer to observe first and most people don’t get that at first. I like to be social….just sometimes though.

8) 12 Siblings- Six sisters and six brothers is definitely a huge family wouldn’t you say? I have siblings from my birth mother who passed when I was 14 months old, and my father was no rolling stone but let’s just say I have enough for a football team all together. I am the baby girl on my mother side, and third oldest on my father side. I will always have someone to depend on with this huge family. We are all living life but we are just one phone call away.

9) Chronic Acne- Unlike most, having this issue started after high school for me. It only got worse after my second pregnancy. A lot has to do with having sensitive skin as well. Any heavy perfumes or oils will irritate my skin and I will break out severely. Finally doing something about it I begin seeing a dermatologist this year. In due time I hope to have that natural glow with no redness or scarring. Sigh…

10) Critical Car Accident- I hear stories about this baby that survived a tragic accident back in November 1986. With only a few scratches, thrown out the window I still can’t believe this baby was me. My mother did not survive the car crash unfortunately but my father did and I am blessed with at least have one parent here. I have been told with the cries from this voice of mine, I saved my father from being left at the scene for we both were thrown out of the car in the same area. I thank the man above every chance I get!

11) I’m silly & funny- It took me a long time to come out my shell and be myself. I always felt judged or just critical on myself. I cared at one point who liked me and who didn’t. Now I’m this sarcastic, opinionated, goofy and fun person. I make everything silly and fun, which my aunts say I get that from my father. Either one I just enjoy being free funny silly goofy old me. Once you get to know me I’m sure to make you laugh some kind of way.

Now leave your comment on which you think is false, hope I shared enough for you all to also learn something about me.

Mother’s Day Interview

Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.

I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.

Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona
Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.

Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.

BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.

Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.

BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.

BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?

Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.

Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon
Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon

Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.

BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?

Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?

Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.

Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.

BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.

Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.

BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?

Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.

Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.

BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?

Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.

BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.

Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.

BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.  

Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.

BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.

I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.

A mom,

Emotional, yet a rock.

Tired, yet keeps going.

Worried, but full of hope.

Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.

Overwhelmed, but never quits.

Amazing, even though doubted.

Wonderful, even in the chaos.

Life changer, let us shout it.

 

I Faked It…

To be honest….or not! Women don’t speak on it much or they just lie about it, I mean it’s not like he will notice right? There is a huge percentage of women who have never experienced an orgasm. There are lots of studies out there regarding this matter one in which I found that 68 percent of women admitted to faking an orgasm with their partner at some point, compared to just 27 percent of men. Unfortunately so, women get embarrassed to speak on the matter for numerous reasons. Insecurities, bad experiences, sexual related trauma or just simply not knowing her g-spot. It still surprises me how many women believe orgasms should just happen, more or less without effort, just through clitoral stimulation. There was a time in my life when I thought the same thing. Had no idea there was such a thing after just the arousal participation. Shrug.

Image by Unsplash

Most of the time we have a hard time turning off the brain and turning on “the power of the P”. Thoughts can be very distracting, in terms like self monitoring. Ever had a moment where your mind just wasn’t there, you’re thinking about the next bill, the laundry or what to eat for dinner? You self consciously think is my body sexy? ” What if I’m not wet enough?” “Am I suppose to moan or talk dirty?” We get in our own way of the full experience because we just can’t shut the brain off. I don’t know about you ladies but I have once fallen victim to just focusing on pleasing my partner not getting the pleasure in return. Sometimes that’s okay…(I just laughed so hard) scratch that all lies!!! It’s not okay, girl get yours too why can’t you also enjoy the bliss of satisfaction with the person you love? Women deal with a lot of insecurities, we tend to get self centered about our bodies. Becoming that vulnerable with your partner can put on this pressure that men would just never understand. Speaking about our bodies, us average everyday women tend to get compared to instagram bodies all the time. Our bodies go through so many hormone changes like when our cycle is near we get emotional or irritated. Also think about childbirth, different types of discharge, keeping up with your PH balance, side effects of birth control these are the kind of things that really affect our bodies and can throw it off balance. Too embarrassed or unsure of ourselves, we avoid letting our male partners know he has failed us to orgasm. I just feel like they will agree to understand but really we know it’s too much for them to grasp.

Many women want to feel deeply connected during sex (who doesn’t?!) but we tend to focus too much on technique — when are we able to just release? How do you surrender and orgasm?  

Image by Google

Intimacy and having an emotional connection with your partner has a part in the pleasure of feeling orgasms. Without some sort of connection it’s like having sex with some strange guy and you are left feeling used, vulnerable and taken for granted. Of course physical attraction is a must, understanding one another and having an honest friendship. Have an open conversations about if a certain position hurts or “the one” to get you there. I say it’s in how you say it rather than not say it at all. I can admit to not saying anything before, unfortunately it never changed because there was no conversation with my partner. Sex starts to feel like routine and as women without arousal and stimulation we will begin to feel stuck. 

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced down to a pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way or being perceived as a gifted lover, it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment. It’s so many other things I want to discuss on this topic… but my time is cut short and we will return on this topic at a later time. 

Laugh, Live, and Love on each other… don’t forget to have an orgasm too!

Let Your Confidence Win!

“I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
-Emma Stone

Keeping yourself motivated, inspired and confident on a daily basis may sound easy but for women it’s s a very challenging task. Society throughout history has always perpetuated the that men are the strong ones. But let’s be honest, women have overcome many obstacles that not a single man could even comprehend the depths of doing. With that being said women have to move with confidence and a strong mind set to get things done. I look at how strong women have become over the years and I am proud to be amongst that percentage of growth.

Over a long period of time I did not know who I was, what my goal was and how to achieve confidence. Childhood trauma is real and it can damage a person either for the long haul or until you realize it’s time to have some control of your own life. I use to let the words of others determine my mood and my self esteem. My weakness was trying to be like everyone else, comparing material things while seeking approval from those I thought mattered. In my mind the confident ones, were the loud out spoken girls, who criticized others just for self humor. The girls who walked with so much confidence because they then had curves you wouldn’t see until adulthood. Learning later on that this was not the case, and most of those girls were just as lost as I when it came to knowing who they really were. As I matured life came with more challenges and there was this one saying “you need a few mango seasons” that continued to put a damper on my confidence as a young black woman. I had already endured emotionally and verbally distraught from family wrongdoing so I definitely didn’t want that coming into my adult life.

I was a young mother of a baby boy who counted on me when I still was counting on others. I then had to learn who I truly was and accept everything about this new woman that reflected in my mirror. I could not change the past nor predict the future but I was determined to become this new confident woman. Comparing to others was no longer acceptable, I began to compliment the women I admired. Owning my flaws and mistakes as genuinely as possible, my mindset began to change slowly.

Affirmations became my best friend! I established speaking positive words into my atmosphere. Giving me a boost I never seen before. Knowing you are beautiful and saying you are beautiful are two different things but when I spoke both into my life, my entire confidence changed. By learning who I am, my authentic self – that became the ultimate goal. So with that being said speak life into your life, ignore those thoughts that say you can’t or you won’t. Put God first in everything you do for he already has the master plan. Learn everything about yourself and accept it with grace. Turn away those negative people who don’t support your growth, in the confidence you begin to walk in.

Soul searching is very important in my opinion. To know what is missing within yourself will only help you move forward in retrieving the best you. Learn what you love or dislike about yourself, your strengths and weakness that determine what imperfections you can work on. Trust yourself to create the kind of person that you will be happy to live with. A woman who walks in her purpose doesn’t have to chase people or opportunities.

Philippians 4:13– “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

2 Timothy 1:7– “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

There will be days when you are just not motivated or confident in anything you do or say but when you learn who you are and what your goal is then this is only a small set back for a big comeback. You better go wash that face get you something to eat and throw on some trap music if that’s a must but you can do it. I believe in you so now it’s your turn to believe in yourself. Let go of all things negative and just focus on a more positive future. Try to see the world as your new stepping stone into something great. Despite your problems, you are a unique and special person. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Do things that you enjoy and try spoiling yourself a little.

Let’s go get that confidence beautiful, it’s all yours!

Big Girl Status

It’s been 7 years yet it still feels like yesterday…

“Hey Chief, ya’ll still coming to the hockey game on Friday? We got the tickets so we can meet ya’ll there”

Our last conversation was about hockey, him becoming a father to twins, the debate he had with my husband earlier that day and how his nephew was doing in school. I waited on his phone call that evening to let me know what was up but I got nothing and it was okay because me and hubby took a stroll on the beach instead. Next morning I was enjoying a good scalp massage and deep conditioner treatment. However while under the dryer……….I get a call from my sister in law Steph.

I wouldn’t say my heart dropped when the phone rung but I did have this tightened stomach yet butterfly feeling. Gasping for air while asking my sister “where is my brother? Is he okay? What hospital is he in?” She softly just advised he was in a car accident and I come to their house. However that’s when I let out this big scream!! I was hitting stuff in the salon while pacing back and forth while disoriented but, I just knew he was gone. I even tried calling his cellphone a few times. I called my dad trying to stay calm and not too alarmed because he was in his truck driving, I couldn’t put this kind of sorrow on him but I had to let him know Chief had been in a car accident. I cried but was still in denial. On the car ride to their house I told myself I’m going to fuss at him for scaring me like this. Maybe….Just maybe a broken leg, arm or even (I hate to admit this but) paralyzed. I was so numb to the gut feeling of losing my brother, I felt once I accepted my new reality it would just make it all real and unbearable.

Arriving at my brother and sister’s house, I saw everyone there and I just remember bursting in tears and trying to make my way in the house cause I just knew this was a sick ass joke. I can still hear his loud laugh and see his beautiful smile all the while his embracing big arms covered my entire face (I missed these the most) which I call “bear hugs”. Okay so he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen so I figured he had to be in his favorite room (where I use to sleep) and playing his game. Standing at the doorway, the room was just still. I mean no music playing loud and no yelling at the t.v. It was just silent and chilled. I burst into tears and cried out loud as I felt my life was over in that moment. I wasn’t prepared for this. No one is every prepared to lose a loved one but this was my brother! I couldn’t function clearly but my body moved, hugging loved ones reassuring others as we all wailed in unisons.

Anyone who lost a brother or sister could relate in some way but this was my lost and I felt as if no one knew my pain. I didn’t want to hear “my condolences” “my prayers are with you and your family” or even “now you have an angel watching over you”. Someone I shared my identity with as far as history and knowing each other through the years was gone. So who was I without my brother? I just wanted to see and hug my brother again. I have relived that very day over and over again in my head. I remember being angry with the man above because he took one of the closest people to me.

Since then I have not questioned God nor blamed him for taking one of his children back home. Now I try to look at pictures of him and smile of the great memories we have shared. It still hurts as if it was that same very dark day but it’s become easier in the sense of living through the brightest joys he has left us (the twins). We try to keep his name in the present while screaming “Big Boi Status” every chance we get. It may seem strange but he & my (still living) sister were the closest form of life I had to my mother (which I had never gotten to know). So when he was gone I was left feeling the same way…abandoned. It took me a few years to get over that feeling yet I still have minor moments. My boys and my wonderful husband help remind me everyday life is short and we have to continue to love on one another and stick together no matter what. Make great memories together because you never know when it’s your time. Also remember grieving is always in your own time as some grieve longer than others and that’s okay.

I hope by me sharing my story I’ve touched someone who might be going through the same thing and wondering what’s next. All I can say is do what is best for you in your grieving moments but don’t ignore that you are grieving and you do have feelings. Express them without violence and be surrounded by those closest to you for support. If anyone have questions or want to talk more just hit me up via email or Facebook. Thank you and until next time take a selfie and sip on something you like!