Try Getting to Know Me

I am not consistent I know but try to understand life can get complicated and very busy at times. By the time I am settled and relaxed enough to write I find myself very tired and ready to go to bed. School is also back in session so my roles have become doubled. I wanted to spill my own beans and let you all get to know me a little better so here goes.

How would you describe your style? I would say my style is glam but comfy. A pair of ripped jeans with a tank top or a simple dress with a button-up shirt over it tied in a knot. I took a quiz and I will post it down below but it shows 90% grunge influenced and 22% glamorous rock and roll. I like simple vintage looks they bring out a little old throwback vibe. The 70s and 90s style is super cute looks. When I want to throw in some color I would definitely go for a color block style. Comfy shoes are my go-to but who doesn’t want to put on a sexy heel every once in a while. Accessories are a must-have and I would take a cross bag or mini bookbag any day!

Favorite ice cream? Definitely would have to pick a rocky road flavor other than that I am a very simple person so I would also eat vanilla with M&Ms from McDonald’s. (Judge not okay lol)

What is your favorite animated character? Let’s start with Disney princesses okay because Princess Jasmine, Cinderella, and Pocahontas help raise me! Then came along Moana and Tiana and I become a kid at heart.

What is your favorite movie? I have a few favorite movies so I will only name a couple. Most of Denzel Washington movies like Training Day, Remember the Titans, Equalizer (the only prequel he did) John Q, and lots more. The Notebook, Black Panther, Alita, Avengers End Game, John Wick (all), Wonder Woman, and so many more. I could go on and on about movies; I love to get comfy with snacks and enjoy a good movie.

RIP to Chadwick Boseman; picture via google images

How do you like to relax? A good book (sometimes audio) in a nice comfy place near a window is calming. Also, a nice RnB vibe with a bubble bath is my favorite; oh and don’t forget the wine! I find myself dancing in the middle of my living room to loud music whether it’s RnB, Gospel, Hip Hop, or Reggae.

What are some of your favorite foods? Let’s just start off by saying food is so amazing! Lol, okay so if I had to pick a favorite first I would say soul food. Mac n cheese, collard greens, cornbread, fried chicken, ribs, catfish, black-eyed peas, peach cobbler I mean I can keep going if you want to. Outside of that, I would say pasta, pizza, and Jamaican dishes.

What habit are you proudest of breaking? Please don’t judge me but I had a horrible habit of biting my nails. No, like a seriously very bad habit! Okay, it was so bad I bite the cuticles around the nails and made them bleed. Now tell me that isn’t a bad habit to get rid of. It took me until adulthood to stop biting my nails and realizing how unsanitary it was. Thank goodness that habit is in my past now.

11:11

Do you seen 11:11 like all the time? So I’ve read, 11:11 is a message from divine angel beings that you need to monitor your thoughts with greater attention, and make sure you are focusing on the things that you want, and not the things that you don’t want. All the things that exist in your life are the result of your thoughts and feelings. Whether you think about the past, present, or future, you are using your energy to create a vibration within you that attracts things with the same vibration to you. The overall meaning of 1111 is that you can start manifesting your True Self –  your soul’s desires.

I decided to make 11:11 a game for my followers and at the same time share a little more about myself. There will be 10 truths and 1 lie so lets see who can figure it out.

1) I’m a Virgo- virgo women might come across shy but she is very strong and stable in the inside. Gentle, caring and kind she is always there helping others before helping herself. The Virgo female have a good understanding of human nature and can effectively help people solve there problems. She makes everyone around her comfortable. Communication skills are beyond extraordinary, she is soulful and spiritual.

Strengths- Loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical, attentive, committed

Weakness- Shyness, worry, over critical of self and others, all work and no play

Likes- animals, healthy food, books, nature, cleanliness

Dislikes- rudeness, asking for help all the time, taking center stage

2) Mother of two boys- My first born arrived when I was 17 years old. Prematurely coming into the world at 6 in a half months and me not completely done with high school just yet, I was determined to be this awesome mother by any means necessary. Trying to balance school work and rocking my sunshine to sleep at night it was very challenging. I figured I had no other choice he was my responsibility so I had to grow up pretty fast and be what he needed.

My second little angel came in my life 10 years after. Now married and living a comfortable life with my mini family we were ready for the new addition to the family and came along this burst of energy. Not only was he measuring super big, he brought joy and happiness to this family without even reaching here yet. My old was excited to have a little brother, and now they are inseparable.

3) Favorite season is Spring- The greenery, the flowers and lets not forget the sunshine! I have no idea why spring is my favorite, it could be because I live in south Florida and well it’s always hot here. Shrug. The sunshine is the best, born and raised in the south I prefer sun over cold any day. Spring rewards us with beautiful flowers, and trees that seem to blossom with bright green leaves. Spring cleaning is a true statement in my house I get rid of old things, reorganize and clean from top to bottom in my house. Although I love winter as well spring just brings out the flip flops and sundresses.

4) Love shopping- Who doesn’t want to look, feel, smell beautiful all the time. Shopping to me is very therapeutic whether I’m just browsing for sales or the latest purse I love it! It makes me happy the different style of clothing from cute & classy to preppy & vintage. As a female I go out and in my mind I constantly see things I either want or need. New things make me feel different yet still the same.

5) Never been on a plane- Never have I ever been on a plane. The fear of heights scare me! Yet I would get on a roller coaster with no hesitation. I’ve only traveled by car and boat but not in the air oh naw. I mean eventually I will get there, I have places I want to travel like Jamaica, Turks and Caicos, and Paris. Maybe it’s the crowd or the horror stories from movies but I will conquer this fear very soon. Trips are in the future.

6) 9:11- So what would you say if I told you 9:11 happened in a dream just days before it really happened? While currently in the 9th grade at the time, I had this very intense dream of two planes hitting my high school with the same consistency as the actually 9:11 incident. Sleep paralysis is so real, I was awake yet everything in the moment also felt so real. I freaked out because the planes were coming for me while in school i just remember calling out for my dad and uttering the words “I love you”. I will never forget that moment.

7) Sociable Introvert- I find people intriguing and exhausting at the same time. My alone time means a lot to me, from mediating to the couch potato flipping thru shows. Small talk is annoying, if we are going to engage in conversation lets talk deeper situations and not just the weather. I’m not antisocial-I prefer to observe first and most people don’t get that at first. I like to be social….just sometimes though.

8) 12 Siblings- Six sisters and six brothers is definitely a huge family wouldn’t you say? I have siblings from my birth mother who passed when I was 14 months old, and my father was no rolling stone but let’s just say I have enough for a football team all together. I am the baby girl on my mother side, and third oldest on my father side. I will always have someone to depend on with this huge family. We are all living life but we are just one phone call away.

9) Chronic Acne- Unlike most, having this issue started after high school for me. It only got worse after my second pregnancy. A lot has to do with having sensitive skin as well. Any heavy perfumes or oils will irritate my skin and I will break out severely. Finally doing something about it I begin seeing a dermatologist this year. In due time I hope to have that natural glow with no redness or scarring. Sigh…

10) Critical Car Accident- I hear stories about this baby that survived a tragic accident back in November 1986. With only a few scratches, thrown out the window I still can’t believe this baby was me. My mother did not survive the car crash unfortunately but my father did and I am blessed with at least have one parent here. I have been told with the cries from this voice of mine, I saved my father from being left at the scene for we both were thrown out of the car in the same area. I thank the man above every chance I get!

11) I’m silly & funny- It took me a long time to come out my shell and be myself. I always felt judged or just critical on myself. I cared at one point who liked me and who didn’t. Now I’m this sarcastic, opinionated, goofy and fun person. I make everything silly and fun, which my aunts say I get that from my father. Either one I just enjoy being free funny silly goofy old me. Once you get to know me I’m sure to make you laugh some kind of way.

Now leave your comment on which you think is false, hope I shared enough for you all to also learn something about me.

Mother’s Day Interview

Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.

I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.

Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona
Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.

Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.

BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.

Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.

BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.

BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?

Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.

Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon
Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon

Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.

BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?

Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?

Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.

Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.

BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.

Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.

BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?

Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.

Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.

BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?

Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.

BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.

Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.

BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.  

Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.

BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.

I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.

A mom,

Emotional, yet a rock.

Tired, yet keeps going.

Worried, but full of hope.

Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.

Overwhelmed, but never quits.

Amazing, even though doubted.

Wonderful, even in the chaos.

Life changer, let us shout it.

 

I Faked It…

To be honest….or not! Women don’t speak on it much or they just lie about it, I mean it’s not like he will notice right? There is a huge percentage of women who have never experienced an orgasm. There are lots of studies out there regarding this matter one in which I found that 68 percent of women admitted to faking an orgasm with their partner at some point, compared to just 27 percent of men. Unfortunately so, women get embarrassed to speak on the matter for numerous reasons. Insecurities, bad experiences, sexual related trauma or just simply not knowing her g-spot. It still surprises me how many women believe orgasms should just happen, more or less without effort, just through clitoral stimulation. There was a time in my life when I thought the same thing. Had no idea there was such a thing after just the arousal participation. Shrug.

Image by Unsplash

Most of the time we have a hard time turning off the brain and turning on “the power of the P”. Thoughts can be very distracting, in terms like self monitoring. Ever had a moment where your mind just wasn’t there, you’re thinking about the next bill, the laundry or what to eat for dinner? You self consciously think is my body sexy? ” What if I’m not wet enough?” “Am I suppose to moan or talk dirty?” We get in our own way of the full experience because we just can’t shut the brain off. I don’t know about you ladies but I have once fallen victim to just focusing on pleasing my partner not getting the pleasure in return. Sometimes that’s okay…(I just laughed so hard) scratch that all lies!!! It’s not okay, girl get yours too why can’t you also enjoy the bliss of satisfaction with the person you love? Women deal with a lot of insecurities, we tend to get self centered about our bodies. Becoming that vulnerable with your partner can put on this pressure that men would just never understand. Speaking about our bodies, us average everyday women tend to get compared to instagram bodies all the time. Our bodies go through so many hormone changes like when our cycle is near we get emotional or irritated. Also think about childbirth, different types of discharge, keeping up with your PH balance, side effects of birth control these are the kind of things that really affect our bodies and can throw it off balance. Too embarrassed or unsure of ourselves, we avoid letting our male partners know he has failed us to orgasm. I just feel like they will agree to understand but really we know it’s too much for them to grasp.

Many women want to feel deeply connected during sex (who doesn’t?!) but we tend to focus too much on technique — when are we able to just release? How do you surrender and orgasm?  

Image by Google

Intimacy and having an emotional connection with your partner has a part in the pleasure of feeling orgasms. Without some sort of connection it’s like having sex with some strange guy and you are left feeling used, vulnerable and taken for granted. Of course physical attraction is a must, understanding one another and having an honest friendship. Have an open conversations about if a certain position hurts or “the one” to get you there. I say it’s in how you say it rather than not say it at all. I can admit to not saying anything before, unfortunately it never changed because there was no conversation with my partner. Sex starts to feel like routine and as women without arousal and stimulation we will begin to feel stuck. 

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced down to a pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way or being perceived as a gifted lover, it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment. It’s so many other things I want to discuss on this topic… but my time is cut short and we will return on this topic at a later time. 

Laugh, Live, and Love on each other… don’t forget to have an orgasm too!