Mother’s Day Interview

Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.

I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.

Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona
Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.

Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.

BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.

Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.

BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.

BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?

Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.

Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon
Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon

Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.

BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?

Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?

Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.

Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.

BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.

Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.

BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?

Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.

Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.

BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?

Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.

BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.

Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.

BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.  

Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.

BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.

I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.

A mom,

Emotional, yet a rock.

Tired, yet keeps going.

Worried, but full of hope.

Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.

Overwhelmed, but never quits.

Amazing, even though doubted.

Wonderful, even in the chaos.

Life changer, let us shout it.

 

I Faked It…

To be honest….or not! Women don’t speak on it much or they just lie about it, I mean it’s not like he will notice right? There is a huge percentage of women who have never experienced an orgasm. There are lots of studies out there regarding this matter one in which I found that 68 percent of women admitted to faking an orgasm with their partner at some point, compared to just 27 percent of men. Unfortunately so, women get embarrassed to speak on the matter for numerous reasons. Insecurities, bad experiences, sexual related trauma or just simply not knowing her g-spot. It still surprises me how many women believe orgasms should just happen, more or less without effort, just through clitoral stimulation. There was a time in my life when I thought the same thing. Had no idea there was such a thing after just the arousal participation. Shrug.

Image by Unsplash

Most of the time we have a hard time turning off the brain and turning on “the power of the P”. Thoughts can be very distracting, in terms like self monitoring. Ever had a moment where your mind just wasn’t there, you’re thinking about the next bill, the laundry or what to eat for dinner? You self consciously think is my body sexy? ” What if I’m not wet enough?” “Am I suppose to moan or talk dirty?” We get in our own way of the full experience because we just can’t shut the brain off. I don’t know about you ladies but I have once fallen victim to just focusing on pleasing my partner not getting the pleasure in return. Sometimes that’s okay…(I just laughed so hard) scratch that all lies!!! It’s not okay, girl get yours too why can’t you also enjoy the bliss of satisfaction with the person you love? Women deal with a lot of insecurities, we tend to get self centered about our bodies. Becoming that vulnerable with your partner can put on this pressure that men would just never understand. Speaking about our bodies, us average everyday women tend to get compared to instagram bodies all the time. Our bodies go through so many hormone changes like when our cycle is near we get emotional or irritated. Also think about childbirth, different types of discharge, keeping up with your PH balance, side effects of birth control these are the kind of things that really affect our bodies and can throw it off balance. Too embarrassed or unsure of ourselves, we avoid letting our male partners know he has failed us to orgasm. I just feel like they will agree to understand but really we know it’s too much for them to grasp.

Many women want to feel deeply connected during sex (who doesn’t?!) but we tend to focus too much on technique — when are we able to just release? How do you surrender and orgasm?  

Image by Google

Intimacy and having an emotional connection with your partner has a part in the pleasure of feeling orgasms. Without some sort of connection it’s like having sex with some strange guy and you are left feeling used, vulnerable and taken for granted. Of course physical attraction is a must, understanding one another and having an honest friendship. Have an open conversations about if a certain position hurts or “the one” to get you there. I say it’s in how you say it rather than not say it at all. I can admit to not saying anything before, unfortunately it never changed because there was no conversation with my partner. Sex starts to feel like routine and as women without arousal and stimulation we will begin to feel stuck. 

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced down to a pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way or being perceived as a gifted lover, it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment. It’s so many other things I want to discuss on this topic… but my time is cut short and we will return on this topic at a later time. 

Laugh, Live, and Love on each other… don’t forget to have an orgasm too!

Women Who Innovated the Fashion Industry

Zelda Wynn Valdes

Wanting to bring a little light on the queens who helped the fashion industry while we are still celebrating women of history month.

I believe every woman has at least one freak’em dress! Let’s just say Zelda Wynn Valdes had an eye for fashion and admiration for the feminine silhouette . In 1948, Valdes became the first black woman to own a storefront on New York’s most iconic street, named Chez Zelda. Her clientele insist of stars like Joyce Bryant, Dorothy Dandridge, Ella Fitzgerald and Mae West. Highlighting the curves of the female body, she quickly drew the attention of the world famous playboy Hugh Hefner and designed the now popular playboy bunny costume. Zelda Wynn Valdes retired in 1988 and died 2001 at the age of 96.

Photo credit to google images

Beverly Johnson

“Once a Supermodel, always a supermodel.” – Beverly Johnson

Queen B may have graced the cover of Vogue magazines September 2018 issue but let us not forget to honor one of the first black woman that led the way for so many women of today. Beverly Johnson was the first African American supermodel to appear on the cover of US Vogue and the French Elle magazines. Not limited to print, she also walked the runway for designers such as Halston, appeared in tv commercials, shows and movies. Breaking many barriers she indulged in a cosmetic line, her very own doll and also wigs and extensions. Beverly Johnson was a game changer that opened many doors for women of color.

Photo credit: Google Images

Anne Lowe

Anne Lowe was the earliest African American high fashion designer to become apart of the New York fashion establishment. She was best known for designing Jacqueline Kennedy’s wedding dress. 50 yards of silk taffeta made up Jacqueline’s dress and was the most photographed dress in history. Every dress was an original and never repeated piece of art. In 1946, Lowe designed the dress Olivia de Havilland wore to accept the Academy Award for best actress although her name was not on the label. Her customers included but not limited to the DePonts, Roosevelt’s, Biddles, Rockefeller’s and more. Her gowns were featured on Vogue, Vanity Fair, and Town & Country magazines in the 50s and 60s of her career. Anne was known as the socialists “best kept secret” because she was a black woman.

Photo credit: Google images

Ola Hudson

Most people will not recognize the face nor the name of Ola Hudson, a very known costume designer in the 1970s. Her clientele insisted of Stevie Wonder, Janet Jackson, Pointer Sisters, Diana Ross and John Lennon. She is the mother of Slash, best known as the lead guitarist in the rock band Gun N’ Roses. One of Hudson’s famous looks were the tailored outfits she made for David Bowe’s Film “The Man Who Fell to Earth.” Designing costumes for some of the most famous musicians she made her mark in the fashion industry.

Let Your Confidence Win!

“I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
-Emma Stone

Keeping yourself motivated, inspired and confident on a daily basis may sound easy but for women it’s s a very challenging task. Society throughout history has always perpetuated the that men are the strong ones. But let’s be honest, women have overcome many obstacles that not a single man could even comprehend the depths of doing. With that being said women have to move with confidence and a strong mind set to get things done. I look at how strong women have become over the years and I am proud to be amongst that percentage of growth.

Over a long period of time I did not know who I was, what my goal was and how to achieve confidence. Childhood trauma is real and it can damage a person either for the long haul or until you realize it’s time to have some control of your own life. I use to let the words of others determine my mood and my self esteem. My weakness was trying to be like everyone else, comparing material things while seeking approval from those I thought mattered. In my mind the confident ones, were the loud out spoken girls, who criticized others just for self humor. The girls who walked with so much confidence because they then had curves you wouldn’t see until adulthood. Learning later on that this was not the case, and most of those girls were just as lost as I when it came to knowing who they really were. As I matured life came with more challenges and there was this one saying “you need a few mango seasons” that continued to put a damper on my confidence as a young black woman. I had already endured emotionally and verbally distraught from family wrongdoing so I definitely didn’t want that coming into my adult life.

I was a young mother of a baby boy who counted on me when I still was counting on others. I then had to learn who I truly was and accept everything about this new woman that reflected in my mirror. I could not change the past nor predict the future but I was determined to become this new confident woman. Comparing to others was no longer acceptable, I began to compliment the women I admired. Owning my flaws and mistakes as genuinely as possible, my mindset began to change slowly.

Affirmations became my best friend! I established speaking positive words into my atmosphere. Giving me a boost I never seen before. Knowing you are beautiful and saying you are beautiful are two different things but when I spoke both into my life, my entire confidence changed. By learning who I am, my authentic self – that became the ultimate goal. So with that being said speak life into your life, ignore those thoughts that say you can’t or you won’t. Put God first in everything you do for he already has the master plan. Learn everything about yourself and accept it with grace. Turn away those negative people who don’t support your growth, in the confidence you begin to walk in.

Soul searching is very important in my opinion. To know what is missing within yourself will only help you move forward in retrieving the best you. Learn what you love or dislike about yourself, your strengths and weakness that determine what imperfections you can work on. Trust yourself to create the kind of person that you will be happy to live with. A woman who walks in her purpose doesn’t have to chase people or opportunities.

Philippians 4:13– “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

2 Timothy 1:7– “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

There will be days when you are just not motivated or confident in anything you do or say but when you learn who you are and what your goal is then this is only a small set back for a big comeback. You better go wash that face get you something to eat and throw on some trap music if that’s a must but you can do it. I believe in you so now it’s your turn to believe in yourself. Let go of all things negative and just focus on a more positive future. Try to see the world as your new stepping stone into something great. Despite your problems, you are a unique and special person. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Do things that you enjoy and try spoiling yourself a little.

Let’s go get that confidence beautiful, it’s all yours!

My top 5 Drugstore concealers

Who doesn’t want the closest thing to perfect skin especially when dealing with dark circles from a long dreadful night. Resisting the temptation to layer on foundation to hide dark marks: the lighter consistency of concealer allows you to create a flawless base, as well as give a quick cover up just to run an errand. Here are my top 5 drugstore concealers:

(Photos courtesy of brand)

Maybelline New York Fit Me Concealer
After hearing from its customers, Maybelline New York has finally added more shades of its top-rated concealer to the selection, including both lighter and darker hues, as well as more undertones, too. Hallelujah — now even more people can reap the benefits of its lightweight, flawless-finish formula.
$7 (Shop Now)
MY NOTE: Not my current favorite but still around for a backup or when I’m low on other products

Nyx Cosmetics HD Photogenic Concealer Wand
Don’t let the price fool you: This 2015 Best of Beauty winner stands up against even the priciest department store buys, thanks to its flawless, my-skin-but-better coverage, long-lasting wear, and richly-pigmented formula, which covers even the most stubborn blemishes with ease. The high-quality concealer also scores major points for its shade range, which features 20 “nude” shades for all skin tones, plus green, yellow and purple versions for color-correcting.
$5 (Shop Now)
MY NOTE: Very pigmented so I normally wear this one during the winter
E.L.F. HD Lifting Concealer
This lightweight concealer can’t be beat. The long-wear fluid provides sheer, yet buildable coverage, while the inexpensive formula — infused with vitamin C, green tea, and mulberry extracts — works over time to brighten, smooth, and tighten dull complexions. Our only complaint? The shade range, which includes three colors for light-to-medium skin tones, isn’t nearly as extensive as it should be.
$3 (Shop Now)
MY NOTE: Light weight and also combine with L.A. Girl Concealer
L.A. Girl HD Pro Concealer
If you didn’t know, this creamy, ultra-pigmented cover-up was one of Walmart’s best-selling color cosmetics last year, which has to say something considering the competition. Nonetheless, this affordable option continues to garner rave reviews, especially amongst beauty bloggers and YouTubers.
$5 (Shop Now)
MY NOTE: Use this almost everyday, works well with many foundations

Maybelline New York Instant Age Rewind Eraser Dark Circles Treatment Concealer
This Best of Beauty winner doesn’t just cover undereye circles — it treats them. The thick, medium-coverage concealer camouflages discoloration, while the high-tech goji berry and peptide-infused formula works over time to plump thinning skin, erase fine lines, and reduce puffiness for a more rested, youthful appearance.
$9 (Shop Now)
MY NOTE: My new favorite undereye full coverage

Big Girl Status

It’s been 7 years yet it still feels like yesterday…

“Hey Chief, ya’ll still coming to the hockey game on Friday? We got the tickets so we can meet ya’ll there”

Our last conversation was about hockey, him becoming a father to twins, the debate he had with my husband earlier that day and how his nephew was doing in school. I waited on his phone call that evening to let me know what was up but I got nothing and it was okay because me and hubby took a stroll on the beach instead. Next morning I was enjoying a good scalp massage and deep conditioner treatment. However while under the dryer……….I get a call from my sister in law Steph.

I wouldn’t say my heart dropped when the phone rung but I did have this tightened stomach yet butterfly feeling. Gasping for air while asking my sister “where is my brother? Is he okay? What hospital is he in?” She softly just advised he was in a car accident and I come to their house. However that’s when I let out this big scream!! I was hitting stuff in the salon while pacing back and forth while disoriented but, I just knew he was gone. I even tried calling his cellphone a few times. I called my dad trying to stay calm and not too alarmed because he was in his truck driving, I couldn’t put this kind of sorrow on him but I had to let him know Chief had been in a car accident. I cried but was still in denial. On the car ride to their house I told myself I’m going to fuss at him for scaring me like this. Maybe….Just maybe a broken leg, arm or even (I hate to admit this but) paralyzed. I was so numb to the gut feeling of losing my brother, I felt once I accepted my new reality it would just make it all real and unbearable.

Arriving at my brother and sister’s house, I saw everyone there and I just remember bursting in tears and trying to make my way in the house cause I just knew this was a sick ass joke. I can still hear his loud laugh and see his beautiful smile all the while his embracing big arms covered my entire face (I missed these the most) which I call “bear hugs”. Okay so he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen so I figured he had to be in his favorite room (where I use to sleep) and playing his game. Standing at the doorway, the room was just still. I mean no music playing loud and no yelling at the t.v. It was just silent and chilled. I burst into tears and cried out loud as I felt my life was over in that moment. I wasn’t prepared for this. No one is every prepared to lose a loved one but this was my brother! I couldn’t function clearly but my body moved, hugging loved ones reassuring others as we all wailed in unisons.

Anyone who lost a brother or sister could relate in some way but this was my lost and I felt as if no one knew my pain. I didn’t want to hear “my condolences” “my prayers are with you and your family” or even “now you have an angel watching over you”. Someone I shared my identity with as far as history and knowing each other through the years was gone. So who was I without my brother? I just wanted to see and hug my brother again. I have relived that very day over and over again in my head. I remember being angry with the man above because he took one of the closest people to me.

Since then I have not questioned God nor blamed him for taking one of his children back home. Now I try to look at pictures of him and smile of the great memories we have shared. It still hurts as if it was that same very dark day but it’s become easier in the sense of living through the brightest joys he has left us (the twins). We try to keep his name in the present while screaming “Big Boi Status” every chance we get. It may seem strange but he & my (still living) sister were the closest form of life I had to my mother (which I had never gotten to know). So when he was gone I was left feeling the same way…abandoned. It took me a few years to get over that feeling yet I still have minor moments. My boys and my wonderful husband help remind me everyday life is short and we have to continue to love on one another and stick together no matter what. Make great memories together because you never know when it’s your time. Also remember grieving is always in your own time as some grieve longer than others and that’s okay.

I hope by me sharing my story I’ve touched someone who might be going through the same thing and wondering what’s next. All I can say is do what is best for you in your grieving moments but don’t ignore that you are grieving and you do have feelings. Express them without violence and be surrounded by those closest to you for support. If anyone have questions or want to talk more just hit me up via email or Facebook. Thank you and until next time take a selfie and sip on something you like!