Try Getting to Know Me

I am not consistent I know but try to understand life can get complicated and very busy at times. By the time I am settled and relaxed enough to write I find myself very tired and ready to go to bed. School is also back in session so my roles have become doubled. I wanted to spill my own beans and let you all get to know me a little better so here goes.

How would you describe your style? I would say my style is glam but comfy. A pair of ripped jeans with a tank top or a simple dress with a button-up shirt over it tied in a knot. I took a quiz and I will post it down below but it shows 90% grunge influenced and 22% glamorous rock and roll. I like simple vintage looks they bring out a little old throwback vibe. The 70s and 90s style is super cute looks. When I want to throw in some color I would definitely go for a color block style. Comfy shoes are my go-to but who doesn’t want to put on a sexy heel every once in a while. Accessories are a must-have and I would take a cross bag or mini bookbag any day!

Favorite ice cream? Definitely would have to pick a rocky road flavor other than that I am a very simple person so I would also eat vanilla with M&Ms from McDonald’s. (Judge not okay lol)

What is your favorite animated character? Let’s start with Disney princesses okay because Princess Jasmine, Cinderella, and Pocahontas help raise me! Then came along Moana and Tiana and I become a kid at heart.

What is your favorite movie? I have a few favorite movies so I will only name a couple. Most of Denzel Washington movies like Training Day, Remember the Titans, Equalizer (the only prequel he did) John Q, and lots more. The Notebook, Black Panther, Alita, Avengers End Game, John Wick (all), Wonder Woman, and so many more. I could go on and on about movies; I love to get comfy with snacks and enjoy a good movie.

RIP to Chadwick Boseman; picture via google images

How do you like to relax? A good book (sometimes audio) in a nice comfy place near a window is calming. Also, a nice RnB vibe with a bubble bath is my favorite; oh and don’t forget the wine! I find myself dancing in the middle of my living room to loud music whether it’s RnB, Gospel, Hip Hop, or Reggae.

What are some of your favorite foods? Let’s just start off by saying food is so amazing! Lol, okay so if I had to pick a favorite first I would say soul food. Mac n cheese, collard greens, cornbread, fried chicken, ribs, catfish, black-eyed peas, peach cobbler I mean I can keep going if you want to. Outside of that, I would say pasta, pizza, and Jamaican dishes.

What habit are you proudest of breaking? Please don’t judge me but I had a horrible habit of biting my nails. No, like a seriously very bad habit! Okay, it was so bad I bite the cuticles around the nails and made them bleed. Now tell me that isn’t a bad habit to get rid of. It took me until adulthood to stop biting my nails and realizing how unsanitary it was. Thank goodness that habit is in my past now.

The New Normal? Whaaattt?

What is this new normal they speak of? I am not comfortable in the mask we have to fashionably wear outside and around others but if it is a must to keep the people safe than no problem. In my opinion I don’t think we will be back to normal for a very long time. And at this point do we consider this the new normal?

Photo credit via Google Images

Have we all realized we have taken the fresh air for granted and now is more than eager to step out and be around others by any means necessary? No one likes being told what to do remember; we all couldn’t wait to be a grown up. The grown up thing to do is follow the new regulations and wait until it is safe to go out and return to the old normal we had before this pandemic. Feeling very awkward with the new form of home schooling; online education isn’t necessarily new it’s been around for home schoolers and those who take courses online but it is very new to us parents who also have to log into work from the very table we normally would eat dinner. This is totally out of my comfort zone.

The new normal of waking up early to stand in a grocery store line outside 6 feet apart waiting to buy supplies for your household. What about the zoom meeting with teachers at 9am while trying to respond to an email your manager just sent with urgency. This is a time we must appreciate the teachers for their hard work and dedication because they take the time to handle multiple children while teaching them the things they need to learn to become better little humans. I found myself indulging into drinks multiple times during the week after what felt like a long day. I don’t know but I’m still trying to navigate my way through these hard times without losing my mind.

Photo credit via google images

I have so many mixed feelings about what is really going on in the world. I am currently emotionally drained and a little mentally exhausted. I have to prayer even harder for my husband safety as he still goes out into the world. I pray for this world everyday. The people who have lost their lives due to the current illness, I pray for their families. Let’s not even talking about the Black Lives Matter Movement and protesting that’s going on. That will have to be a later post but for now please stay safe and remember to stay 6 feet part. I pray for you all.

How are you handling this epidemic? Are you also feeling drained? Let’s talk about it!

May I Smooth-Eat You!

I have been trying my smoothies again lately and because I took a long dramatic break from them I’m not sure where to start. Made purely of fruits, vegetables and if desired protein and dairy are all wonderful nutrients and for great health. I can’t be sure if i was going for weight loss completely; I just wanted to change my eating habits the right way. Thus far I have tried a few that I enjoy and thought I could share just in case you needed a few ideas yourself.

Image from Pinterest

First smoothie I have been enjoying is my Green Smoothie which includes:

  • Spinach
  • Greek Yogurt
  • Mixed Berries (I used blueberry, cranberry, strawberry, raspberry)
  • Banana
  • Almond Vanilla Milk
  • Chunks of Pineapples
  • Chia seeds

Love this smoothie the most and not just because of the spinach but its a very light introduction to a green smoothie but added with the sweetness of the berries.

Next favorite smoothie is Triple berry Smoothie which includes:

  • Frozen Raspberry, Strawberry, Blueberry
  • Almond milk
  • Banana
  • Greek Yogurt (sometimes)
  • Chia seeds

This is my berry go to! Love the natural sweet flavor and it doesn’t hurt that its a great start to your morning routine.

I’ll finish my smoothie rant with a detox Green smoothie ingredients includes:

  • Cucumber
  • Spinach
  • Carrots
  • Green apple
  • Mint
  • Chia seeds
  • Pineapple chunks
  • Ginger

I know for sure you will enjoy the journey of this detox as it cleans out your system and clears your skin I love this one for sure.

There you have it! Smoothies are a great way to get nutritional ingredients blended into one drink. The energy you get from all the fruits and veggies will benefit you in the future.

Image from Pinterest

Please comment and let me know if you try any of my smoothies and give your honest opinions.

See you guys later. Xoxo

Ps: please stay safe and don’t forget to wash your hands and practice safe distancing!

Simply Happy

Most individuals are still on the search to finding happiness. I find that the simple things in life make me happy. We all want to be happy and each one of us have different ways of finding it. Any way of escaping the world around you and focusing on what makes you smile, I’m all for it! This can be a list of things. From listening to nature sounds in a dark room or being around people who love you and enjoying the laughter. Here are a few ways I find my happiness in this little big world.

1. Prayer/Meditation

2. Listening to music

3. Being around my two boys

4. Playing in makeup

5. Take walks on the beach

6. Reading/writing

7. Helping others

8. Making people laugh

9. Date night with my husband

10. Just being free to be myself around those I love

The thing about it is, it took me awhile to know what made me happy. Like others I searched high and low, in places and things but it never really made me happy. If I was happy it had only been temporary. I learned that if you aren’t happy with yourself, you will not think you deserve affection and attention. You can find something to be happy about everyday, having a drink with a friend, eating your favorite piece of chocolate or listening to your favorite song on repeat. Start appreciating what you have because there are people who or less fortunate and struggling to be happy in this big little world.

Be aware of your emotional and physical triggers. My reaction to things that bothered me had certain triggers that kept me in a place I no longer want to ever be in. I started focusing on the resolution rather than the problem. Over thinking things caused me to be unhappy and worry about things I had no control over. I can honestly say prayer and meditation helped me so much in that area. Less worry and more praying; trust me it works. I learned to let God handle my battles and for that I became more happy. If only you knew worrying causes other problems especially with your health. We all know that will just be another bill to add to the list and no one needs more bills!

I took on writing at a young age and over the years I realized how it has helped me express myself more. Sometimes sharing my feelings to friends or family scared me. I feared being judged or criticized. On top of being shy (not that sh anymore thou) I at times felt like I had no voice, so writing became my happy place. Writing was a way to express my true self in a way that brought joy to my heart. I always recommend writing to those who have a hard time sharing to others how they feel.

Walking on the beach is one of my top favorite happy places. I mean why not! The waves are so calming and view is beautiful. I know a few others who go to the beach to meditate. It’s a place of freedom a reminder that there is so much more to be thankful for. How God created this gift to the world was so brilliant. Helping others make me happy I mean I can’t do much but every little thing counts and if I can put a smile on someone face, I am truly happy. When I see someone down or not like themselves I tend to make jokes ( I’m a goofy person all the time) get them to laugh if even for a second.

The world deserves to see you happy. Choose happiness any way possible. To be happy is to choose YOU. Start with the simple things only you know what makes your heart truly happy. It is your time, time to move forward, time to let go, time to forgive, time to just be free and simply happy.

Write down a a list of things that make you happy and try to focus on those things more.

Let me hear your feed back let me know the things that help make you happy! Have a blessed and prosperous day.

-BeautySlayHer

Mother’s Day Interview

Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.

I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.

Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona
Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.

Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.

BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.

Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.

BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.

BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?

Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.

Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon
Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon

Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.

BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?

Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?

Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.

Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.

BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.

Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.

BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?

Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.

Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.

BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?

Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.

BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.

Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.

BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.  

Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.

BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.

I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.

A mom,

Emotional, yet a rock.

Tired, yet keeps going.

Worried, but full of hope.

Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.

Overwhelmed, but never quits.

Amazing, even though doubted.

Wonderful, even in the chaos.

Life changer, let us shout it.

 

Big Girl Status

It’s been 7 years yet it still feels like yesterday…

“Hey Chief, ya’ll still coming to the hockey game on Friday? We got the tickets so we can meet ya’ll there”

Our last conversation was about hockey, him becoming a father to twins, the debate he had with my husband earlier that day and how his nephew was doing in school. I waited on his phone call that evening to let me know what was up but I got nothing and it was okay because me and hubby took a stroll on the beach instead. Next morning I was enjoying a good scalp massage and deep conditioner treatment. However while under the dryer……….I get a call from my sister in law Steph.

I wouldn’t say my heart dropped when the phone rung but I did have this tightened stomach yet butterfly feeling. Gasping for air while asking my sister “where is my brother? Is he okay? What hospital is he in?” She softly just advised he was in a car accident and I come to their house. However that’s when I let out this big scream!! I was hitting stuff in the salon while pacing back and forth while disoriented but, I just knew he was gone. I even tried calling his cellphone a few times. I called my dad trying to stay calm and not too alarmed because he was in his truck driving, I couldn’t put this kind of sorrow on him but I had to let him know Chief had been in a car accident. I cried but was still in denial. On the car ride to their house I told myself I’m going to fuss at him for scaring me like this. Maybe….Just maybe a broken leg, arm or even (I hate to admit this but) paralyzed. I was so numb to the gut feeling of losing my brother, I felt once I accepted my new reality it would just make it all real and unbearable.

Arriving at my brother and sister’s house, I saw everyone there and I just remember bursting in tears and trying to make my way in the house cause I just knew this was a sick ass joke. I can still hear his loud laugh and see his beautiful smile all the while his embracing big arms covered my entire face (I missed these the most) which I call “bear hugs”. Okay so he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen so I figured he had to be in his favorite room (where I use to sleep) and playing his game. Standing at the doorway, the room was just still. I mean no music playing loud and no yelling at the t.v. It was just silent and chilled. I burst into tears and cried out loud as I felt my life was over in that moment. I wasn’t prepared for this. No one is every prepared to lose a loved one but this was my brother! I couldn’t function clearly but my body moved, hugging loved ones reassuring others as we all wailed in unisons.

Anyone who lost a brother or sister could relate in some way but this was my lost and I felt as if no one knew my pain. I didn’t want to hear “my condolences” “my prayers are with you and your family” or even “now you have an angel watching over you”. Someone I shared my identity with as far as history and knowing each other through the years was gone. So who was I without my brother? I just wanted to see and hug my brother again. I have relived that very day over and over again in my head. I remember being angry with the man above because he took one of the closest people to me.

Since then I have not questioned God nor blamed him for taking one of his children back home. Now I try to look at pictures of him and smile of the great memories we have shared. It still hurts as if it was that same very dark day but it’s become easier in the sense of living through the brightest joys he has left us (the twins). We try to keep his name in the present while screaming “Big Boi Status” every chance we get. It may seem strange but he & my (still living) sister were the closest form of life I had to my mother (which I had never gotten to know). So when he was gone I was left feeling the same way…abandoned. It took me a few years to get over that feeling yet I still have minor moments. My boys and my wonderful husband help remind me everyday life is short and we have to continue to love on one another and stick together no matter what. Make great memories together because you never know when it’s your time. Also remember grieving is always in your own time as some grieve longer than others and that’s okay.

I hope by me sharing my story I’ve touched someone who might be going through the same thing and wondering what’s next. All I can say is do what is best for you in your grieving moments but don’t ignore that you are grieving and you do have feelings. Express them without violence and be surrounded by those closest to you for support. If anyone have questions or want to talk more just hit me up via email or Facebook. Thank you and until next time take a selfie and sip on something you like!