Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.
I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.
Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.
Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.
BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?
Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.
Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.
BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.
BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?
Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.
Bella Lee: (skipped question)
Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.
Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.
BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?
Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.
Bella Lee: (skipped question)
BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?
Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.
Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.
BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?
Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.
Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.
BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?
Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.
Bella Lee: (skipped question)
BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?
Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.
Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.
BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?
Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.
BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?
Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.
Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.
BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?
Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.
Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.
BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.
I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.
Emotional, yet a rock.
Tired, yet keeps going.
Worried, but full of hope.
Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.
Overwhelmed, but never quits.
Amazing, even though doubted.
Wonderful, even in the chaos.
Life changer, let us shout it.