Tag: prayer

The New Normal? Whaaattt?

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What is this new normal they speak of? I am not comfortable in the mask we have to fashionably wear outside and around others but if it is a must to keep the people safe than no problem. In my opinion I don’t think we will be back to normal for a very long time. And at this point do we consider this the new normal?

Photo credit via Google Images

Have we all realized we have taken the fresh air for granted and now is more than eager to step out and be around others by any means necessary? No one likes being told what to do remember; we all couldn’t wait to be a grown up. The grown up thing to do is follow the new regulations and wait until it is safe to go out and return to the old normal we had before this pandemic. Feeling very awkward with the new form of home schooling; online education isn’t necessarily new it’s been around for home schoolers and those who take courses online but it is very new to us parents who also have to log into work from the very table we normally would eat dinner. This is totally out of my comfort zone.

The new normal of waking up early to stand in a grocery store line outside 6 feet apart waiting to buy supplies for your household. What about the zoom meeting with teachers at 9am while trying to respond to an email your manager just sent with urgency. This is a time we must appreciate the teachers for their hard work and dedication because they take the time to handle multiple children while teaching them the things they need to learn to become better little humans. I found myself indulging into drinks multiple times during the week after what felt like a long day. I don’t know but I’m still trying to navigate my way through these hard times without losing my mind.

Photo credit via google images

I have so many mixed feelings about what is really going on in the world. I am currently emotionally drained and a little mentally exhausted. I have to prayer even harder for my husband safety as he still goes out into the world. I pray for this world everyday. The people who have lost their lives due to the current illness, I pray for their families. Let’s not even talking about the Black Lives Matter Movement and protesting that’s going on. That will have to be a later post but for now please stay safe and remember to stay 6 feet part. I pray for you all.

How are you handling this epidemic? Are you also feeling drained? Let’s talk about it!

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Big Girl Status

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It’s been 7 years yet it still feels like yesterday…

“Hey Chief, ya’ll still coming to the hockey game on Friday? We got the tickets so we can meet ya’ll there”

Our last conversation was about hockey, him becoming a father to twins, the debate he had with my husband earlier that day and how his nephew was doing in school. I waited on his phone call that evening to let me know what was up but I got nothing and it was okay because me and hubby took a stroll on the beach instead. Next morning I was enjoying a good scalp massage and deep conditioner treatment. However while under the dryer……….I get a call from my sister in law Steph.

I wouldn’t say my heart dropped when the phone rung but I did have this tightened stomach yet butterfly feeling. Gasping for air while asking my sister “where is my brother? Is he okay? What hospital is he in?” She softly just advised he was in a car accident and I come to their house. However that’s when I let out this big scream!! I was hitting stuff in the salon while pacing back and forth while disoriented but, I just knew he was gone. I even tried calling his cellphone a few times. I called my dad trying to stay calm and not too alarmed because he was in his truck driving, I couldn’t put this kind of sorrow on him but I had to let him know Chief had been in a car accident. I cried but was still in denial. On the car ride to their house I told myself I’m going to fuss at him for scaring me like this. Maybe….Just maybe a broken leg, arm or even (I hate to admit this but) paralyzed. I was so numb to the gut feeling of losing my brother, I felt once I accepted my new reality it would just make it all real and unbearable.

Arriving at my brother and sister’s house, I saw everyone there and I just remember bursting in tears and trying to make my way in the house cause I just knew this was a sick ass joke. I can still hear his loud laugh and see his beautiful smile all the while his embracing big arms covered my entire face (I missed these the most) which I call “bear hugs”. Okay so he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen so I figured he had to be in his favorite room (where I use to sleep) and playing his game. Standing at the doorway, the room was just still. I mean no music playing loud and no yelling at the t.v. It was just silent and chilled. I burst into tears and cried out loud as I felt my life was over in that moment. I wasn’t prepared for this. No one is every prepared to lose a loved one but this was my brother! I couldn’t function clearly but my body moved, hugging loved ones reassuring others as we all wailed in unisons.

Anyone who lost a brother or sister could relate in some way but this was my lost and I felt as if no one knew my pain. I didn’t want to hear “my condolences” “my prayers are with you and your family” or even “now you have an angel watching over you”. Someone I shared my identity with as far as history and knowing each other through the years was gone. So who was I without my brother? I just wanted to see and hug my brother again. I have relived that very day over and over again in my head. I remember being angry with the man above because he took one of the closest people to me.

Since then I have not questioned God nor blamed him for taking one of his children back home. Now I try to look at pictures of him and smile of the great memories we have shared. It still hurts as if it was that same very dark day but it’s become easier in the sense of living through the brightest joys he has left us (the twins). We try to keep his name in the present while screaming “Big Boi Status” every chance we get. It may seem strange but he & my (still living) sister were the closest form of life I had to my mother (which I had never gotten to know). So when he was gone I was left feeling the same way…abandoned. It took me a few years to get over that feeling yet I still have minor moments. My boys and my wonderful husband help remind me everyday life is short and we have to continue to love on one another and stick together no matter what. Make great memories together because you never know when it’s your time. Also remember grieving is always in your own time as some grieve longer than others and that’s okay.

I hope by me sharing my story I’ve touched someone who might be going through the same thing and wondering what’s next. All I can say is do what is best for you in your grieving moments but don’t ignore that you are grieving and you do have feelings. Express them without violence and be surrounded by those closest to you for support. If anyone have questions or want to talk more just hit me up via email or Facebook. Thank you and until next time take a selfie and sip on something you like!