The New Normal? Whaaattt?

What is this new normal they speak of? I am not comfortable in the mask we have to fashionably wear outside and around others but if it is a must to keep the people safe than no problem. In my opinion I don’t think we will be back to normal for a very long time. And at this point do we consider this the new normal?

Photo credit via Google Images

Have we all realized we have taken the fresh air for granted and now is more than eager to step out and be around others by any means necessary? No one likes being told what to do remember; we all couldn’t wait to be a grown up. The grown up thing to do is follow the new regulations and wait until it is safe to go out and return to the old normal we had before this pandemic. Feeling very awkward with the new form of home schooling; online education isn’t necessarily new it’s been around for home schoolers and those who take courses online but it is very new to us parents who also have to log into work from the very table we normally would eat dinner. This is totally out of my comfort zone.

The new normal of waking up early to stand in a grocery store line outside 6 feet apart waiting to buy supplies for your household. What about the zoom meeting with teachers at 9am while trying to respond to an email your manager just sent with urgency. This is a time we must appreciate the teachers for their hard work and dedication because they take the time to handle multiple children while teaching them the things they need to learn to become better little humans. I found myself indulging into drinks multiple times during the week after what felt like a long day. I don’t know but I’m still trying to navigate my way through these hard times without losing my mind.

Photo credit via google images

I have so many mixed feelings about what is really going on in the world. I am currently emotionally drained and a little mentally exhausted. I have to prayer even harder for my husband safety as he still goes out into the world. I pray for this world everyday. The people who have lost their lives due to the current illness, I pray for their families. Let’s not even talking about the Black Lives Matter Movement and protesting that’s going on. That will have to be a later post but for now please stay safe and remember to stay 6 feet part. I pray for you all.

How are you handling this epidemic? Are you also feeling drained? Let’s talk about it!

Simply Happy

Most individuals are still on the search to finding happiness. I find that the simple things in life make me happy. We all want to be happy and each one of us have different ways of finding it. Any way of escaping the world around you and focusing on what makes you smile, I’m all for it! This can be a list of things. From listening to nature sounds in a dark room or being around people who love you and enjoying the laughter. Here are a few ways I find my happiness in this little big world.

1. Prayer/Meditation

2. Listening to music

3. Being around my two boys

4. Playing in makeup

5. Take walks on the beach

6. Reading/writing

7. Helping others

8. Making people laugh

9. Date night with my husband

10. Just being free to be myself around those I love

The thing about it is, it took me awhile to know what made me happy. Like others I searched high and low, in places and things but it never really made me happy. If I was happy it had only been temporary. I learned that if you aren’t happy with yourself, you will not think you deserve affection and attention. You can find something to be happy about everyday, having a drink with a friend, eating your favorite piece of chocolate or listening to your favorite song on repeat. Start appreciating what you have because there are people who or less fortunate and struggling to be happy in this big little world.

Be aware of your emotional and physical triggers. My reaction to things that bothered me had certain triggers that kept me in a place I no longer want to ever be in. I started focusing on the resolution rather than the problem. Over thinking things caused me to be unhappy and worry about things I had no control over. I can honestly say prayer and meditation helped me so much in that area. Less worry and more praying; trust me it works. I learned to let God handle my battles and for that I became more happy. If only you knew worrying causes other problems especially with your health. We all know that will just be another bill to add to the list and no one needs more bills!

I took on writing at a young age and over the years I realized how it has helped me express myself more. Sometimes sharing my feelings to friends or family scared me. I feared being judged or criticized. On top of being shy (not that sh anymore thou) I at times felt like I had no voice, so writing became my happy place. Writing was a way to express my true self in a way that brought joy to my heart. I always recommend writing to those who have a hard time sharing to others how they feel.

Walking on the beach is one of my top favorite happy places. I mean why not! The waves are so calming and view is beautiful. I know a few others who go to the beach to meditate. It’s a place of freedom a reminder that there is so much more to be thankful for. How God created this gift to the world was so brilliant. Helping others make me happy I mean I can’t do much but every little thing counts and if I can put a smile on someone face, I am truly happy. When I see someone down or not like themselves I tend to make jokes ( I’m a goofy person all the time) get them to laugh if even for a second.

The world deserves to see you happy. Choose happiness any way possible. To be happy is to choose YOU. Start with the simple things only you know what makes your heart truly happy. It is your time, time to move forward, time to let go, time to forgive, time to just be free and simply happy.

Write down a a list of things that make you happy and try to focus on those things more.

Let me hear your feed back let me know the things that help make you happy! Have a blessed and prosperous day.

-BeautySlayHer

Mother’s Day Interview

Mother’s are amazing at what they do, I mean who else would wash the dishes after cooking a good meal or separate the clothes; colors from whites. The unpaid duties like; the alarm clock, the maid, the waitress, the teacher, the nurse, security and counselor. The list continues but there is no degree and no experience required. Well, unless you help raise other kids like myself. On call 24/7 for the rest of your life and not just until they turn 18 years old. While nothing really prepares you for motherhood. Sure parenting books, classes or advice given from numerous support but it’s nothing like the true experience itself. Most of the time we never have time for ourselves and when we finally do, our mental is constantly working thinking about dentist appointments and checkups.

I took the time to interview two parents both at different stages in their lives as mothers. Jaybria Hunter (my sister)a new mother with a 7 month old precious daughter experiencing the new changes in her life. Also interviewed Bella Lee long time friend (big sister sent from God) who has two children; 2 adult men. The life experience she has already gone thru and still is.

Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona
Jaybria Hunter with 7 month old daughter Rona

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest surprise I encountered after having a baby is how breastfeeding helped me lose my stomach fat.

Bella Lee: That I gave life to two beautiful little boys.

BeautySlayHer: So, what is or was the biggest challenge you faced in terms of time management with a baby)?

Jaybria Hunter: The biggest challenge I faced in terms of time management is trying to make time to bath and eat for myself. I was so consumed in feeding my daughter and keeping her clean that I didn’t know when to do for myself.

Bella Lee: My challenge was trying to get everything done in a timely manner. But then I realized it was okay if I didn’t do it all in one day.

BeautySlayHer: I remember feeling needed all the time and so therefore my time to myself was based on the help of others or when my baby was sleeping.

BeautySlayHer: Let’s talk more! What coping mechanisms have you found to be helpful with regard to lack of sleep and fatigue?

Jaybria Hunter: To cope with sleep and fatigue, I started sleeping when she was sleeping. When my husband would get home, I would give him instructions, so I can catch a quick nap while he watched her.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

Jaybria Hunter: My child has impacted my life in a major way. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I want her to see me as a phenomenal woman. A great woman. I just want to be great example of strong yet loving woman. She also pushes me to be a great wife, so she knows what to do when she gets married. I’m constantly thinking of ways to make her happy to call me her mom.

Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon
Bella Lee with sons; Chris & Brandon

Bella Lee: They have given me so much joy and happiness. I had to grow up very quickly becoming a mother at age 17.

BeautySlayHer: We will always be concerned about our babies big and small, so what concerns you more about the future now than before you had a child?

Jaybria Hunter: The concerns I have about the future that changed after having a baby is I want her to live a healthy and happy life. I’m concerned about her safety 24/7. I want to become more financially stable, so I can show her the world.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Yeah, it’s been a lot going on in the world lately but I believe everything will change with prayer. Post-partum is a very real and serious thing and I want to know how how did you deal with post-partum?

Jaybria Hunter: Honestly, I’m still coping with post-partum. I express my needs to my husband more. I call him when I’m feeling down. I meditate more and pray more frequently. I’m doing things that make me feel better and get my mind off the feelings that overcome me.

Bella Lee: Oh man post-partum was tough in my day. I spoke with my doctor and she then put me on an anti-depression pill, over time it helped and I got better.

BeautySlayHer: What has been your greatest struggle as a parent?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest struggle as a parent is finding time for myself. It’s hard to leave her and do the things I like to do. It’s also been a struggle to find time for husband. I often feel like I get so consumed in our baby that I don’t do the things I used to do for my husband.

Bella Lee: Being a single parent and having to play more than one role. Raising you children alone is very difficult and challenging.

BeautySlayHer: Bella I am sorry you had to experience that struggle alone but I know it made you stronger as a woman and mother. Jaybria I also agree finding time for yourself is very difficult but important. Ladies what has been your greatest rewards?

Jaybria Hunter: My greatest reward as a parent is seeing my daughter smile every day. It’s also rewarding knowing that she has everything she needs.

Bella Lee: (skipped question)

BeautySlayHer: Do we really have time for ourselves as mothers? I mean have you ladies found time for yourselves? If so what were a few things you did?

Jaybria Hunter: Yes, I find time for myself. I go shopping, to the hair and nail salon, shop online, and catch up on my favorite shows. Every now and then I get a trusted baby sitter, so I can have time with my husband.

Bella Lee: Yes I found time for myself, I would go shopping and get hair and nails done. Love on myself just for a little then back to being full time mother.

BeautySlayHer: I see shopping is a girls best friend lol I could definitely use a nice mini shopping spree. (Hint to hubby lol) speaking of husband, Jaybria this question is for you. Has parenting changed your relationship with your partner? More for the better or worse?

Jaybria Hunter: Parenting has changed my relationship with my husband. We have more compassion for each other. We communicate more. We also have more quarrels because some things you just disagree on when it comes to raising a child.

BeautySlayHer: Yes! This is very much true, it’s all about team work and leaning on each other for moral and emotional support when necessary. Do you find yourself doing the same things as your mother/father did when you were younger?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t see myself doing the same thing my parents did when I was younger. That may change as my child gets older. But I’m doing things a lot different now.

Bella Lee: Yes, with my first born I would yell at him and say to him the words I remembered “Do as I say and stay in a child’s place”. But I had to learn that I didn’t like being yelled at when I was younger so learning to do better for them was a must.

BeautySlayHer: I understand that. Okay last question ladies, Do you feel are failing or have failed as a parent? If so why? If not why?

Jaybria Hunter: No, I don’t feel like I’m failing as a parent. I’ve been able to provide breastmilk for my child and give her everything she needs in life so far. I’ve already started planning for her future. Doing these things have given me a feeling of accomplishment when it comes to parenting. I’m really proud of myself.  

Bella Lee: No not at all, you learn as you go and you get better with making choices over time.

BeautySlayHer: Thank you ladies for answering my questions and I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day even though we know it’s everyday.

I will end this post with a short Mother’s Day poem.

A mom,

Emotional, yet a rock.

Tired, yet keeps going.

Worried, but full of hope.

Impatient, yet patience keeps growing.

Overwhelmed, but never quits.

Amazing, even though doubted.

Wonderful, even in the chaos.

Life changer, let us shout it.

 

Let Your Confidence Win!

“I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.”
-Emma Stone

Keeping yourself motivated, inspired and confident on a daily basis may sound easy but for women it’s s a very challenging task. Society throughout history has always perpetuated the that men are the strong ones. But let’s be honest, women have overcome many obstacles that not a single man could even comprehend the depths of doing. With that being said women have to move with confidence and a strong mind set to get things done. I look at how strong women have become over the years and I am proud to be amongst that percentage of growth.

Over a long period of time I did not know who I was, what my goal was and how to achieve confidence. Childhood trauma is real and it can damage a person either for the long haul or until you realize it’s time to have some control of your own life. I use to let the words of others determine my mood and my self esteem. My weakness was trying to be like everyone else, comparing material things while seeking approval from those I thought mattered. In my mind the confident ones, were the loud out spoken girls, who criticized others just for self humor. The girls who walked with so much confidence because they then had curves you wouldn’t see until adulthood. Learning later on that this was not the case, and most of those girls were just as lost as I when it came to knowing who they really were. As I matured life came with more challenges and there was this one saying “you need a few mango seasons” that continued to put a damper on my confidence as a young black woman. I had already endured emotionally and verbally distraught from family wrongdoing so I definitely didn’t want that coming into my adult life.

I was a young mother of a baby boy who counted on me when I still was counting on others. I then had to learn who I truly was and accept everything about this new woman that reflected in my mirror. I could not change the past nor predict the future but I was determined to become this new confident woman. Comparing to others was no longer acceptable, I began to compliment the women I admired. Owning my flaws and mistakes as genuinely as possible, my mindset began to change slowly.

Affirmations became my best friend! I established speaking positive words into my atmosphere. Giving me a boost I never seen before. Knowing you are beautiful and saying you are beautiful are two different things but when I spoke both into my life, my entire confidence changed. By learning who I am, my authentic self – that became the ultimate goal. So with that being said speak life into your life, ignore those thoughts that say you can’t or you won’t. Put God first in everything you do for he already has the master plan. Learn everything about yourself and accept it with grace. Turn away those negative people who don’t support your growth, in the confidence you begin to walk in.

Soul searching is very important in my opinion. To know what is missing within yourself will only help you move forward in retrieving the best you. Learn what you love or dislike about yourself, your strengths and weakness that determine what imperfections you can work on. Trust yourself to create the kind of person that you will be happy to live with. A woman who walks in her purpose doesn’t have to chase people or opportunities.

Philippians 4:13– “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

2 Timothy 1:7– “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

There will be days when you are just not motivated or confident in anything you do or say but when you learn who you are and what your goal is then this is only a small set back for a big comeback. You better go wash that face get you something to eat and throw on some trap music if that’s a must but you can do it. I believe in you so now it’s your turn to believe in yourself. Let go of all things negative and just focus on a more positive future. Try to see the world as your new stepping stone into something great. Despite your problems, you are a unique and special person. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Do things that you enjoy and try spoiling yourself a little.

Let’s go get that confidence beautiful, it’s all yours!